What is your belief system?
50% of the time you will find our son, our third child, in a dress. The sparklier and pinker the better. He has grown up with two older sisters having fun dressing up and he thinks it’s awesome too… or perhaps if he had never had sisters and was left to his own devices without society deciding what was appropriate, he too would have chosen these outfits.
Do you know that between the ages of 0-7 we form many of our beliefs? Belief systems are comprehensive frameworks of principles, values, attitudes, and convictions that shape our perception of the world and guide the way we behave in it. Belief systems encompass a wide range of elements, including religious beliefs, moral principles, political ideologies, cultural values, and personal philosophies.
When I was quite young, I cut my hair short. Very short. I didn’t do it because I wanted to look less like a girl or because I had brothers, I simply thought my Aunty (who I idolised) looked cool with short hair and I wanted to be like her. So, she cut it off for me. Mum and Dad couldn’t have cared less and on with life we went… until someone else’s belief system crashed into my wee world.
I vividly remember being at an event and going to the loo, a lady said to me “oh the boys is the next one over”, I replied “I’m not a boy”, to which she said, “then you might like to rethink that boyish hairdo”. I remember being really confused but deciding rather quickly I’d rather fit in than go through that shame again.
One small interaction. One belief created. To me it sounded like this; “Stand with the crowd, fit in, you won’t feel shame in that place. Also, don’t look too boyish”. This was tough for an athletic, muscular, reasonably strong, and capable girl. The opposite of too boyish in my mind was a girl who was petite (which I was not), ‘nice’ and not too brash.
I spent the best part of my life feeling too boyish, too manly, and part of that belief stemmed from that one experience and then me looking for any evidence I could find to prove it was a belief I should hold onto. That belief created doubt in me about who I am, who I should be and how I should show up in the world. Had I not found introspection in my early 30’s I would probably still be living a life governed by a belief system that screamed “don’t be too big, keep yourself small and nice”.
What is introspection and what does it have to do with our beliefs?
What I love about belief systems is that they can be challenged and changed, but we need introspection to be able to do this. Moments when we pause to ponder, question, and explore the depths of our own beliefs. It’s during these moments that we can confront the inconsistencies within our own belief systems, allowing for growth and adaptation. The willingness to question, learn and evolve is the hallmark of a person and a belief system that is both alive and dynamic.
This is what I want for both me and my little tutu wearing man.
